I am going to lose it really soon. Once again it's my day to fly and the weather is looking completely inconvenient. I asked My Instructor via text if he could let me know by 1 if we will get to fly, thus saving me a trip into the city and hanging around until 7pm for groundschool. I haven't heard back yet, which I am hoping means that the weather in the city is better than it is here, and he's up in a plane right now.
I feel like I am finally there, I'm at my solo, it's here, and all I want to do is book it and then ping around like a housefly on steroids due to the excitement. But now the Universe is going "Oh no, this is so ill-advised that I'm going to throw all my weather at you and get in the way". I just need that one lesson. One more. Why is this proving to be so difficult? I haven't flown since last Saturday. That's a very long time for me, and although I was pretty damned good that day (if I do say so myself), I am really scared that after so long I am going to get in the plane and fall flat on my face (metaphorically speaking...literally that would be extra bad). I don't want to have lost all my awesome superpowers (translation: the ability to flare) with the long gap between flights. If I suck today (or tomorrow, or whenever), My Instructor could easily say he wants me to have another lesson before the big day.
On that note, I appreciate that I am perhaps making too much of a big deal out my solo. I spoke to a few other students about it all last week, and the consensus seemed to be that no one had really cared all that much about their solos. It was just another day and they got on with it. But for me, it's a huge accomplishment. I'm the kind of person who can look at something, even small, and say "this is proof that I have done something/worked hard/am awesome". I find it keeps me positive.
To be quite honest, I completely fail to see how anyone could pooh-pooh at flying a plane alone for the very first time. You're flying a plane alone for the first time for crying out loud. That's amazing! Six months ago it's something I never would have imagined to be possible for myself. I would never have dreamed about even flying a plane at all, let alone being able to do it by myself! And now here I am, my mind is completely overrun by a tiny tin can with an engine and wings and all I want to do is throw myself through the air inside it completely by myself.
Well...if today's lesson gets called off, I suppose the next step is to beg My Instructor to come in on his day off (tomorrow)...perhaps bribe him with cookies, so that I can still look at going solo on Thursday. IF THE WEATHER CO-OPERATES! I'm cranky anyway because I had to turn down a pairing with The Airline this weekend thanks to my full time job, so if I add in not getting my solo again, I am likely to snap and make a dramatic exit like this guy.